Group conversations can be difficult for introverts. You might feel that you never get to talk, you zone out, and you end up deep in thought instead of involved in the conversation. Read more tips in this guide on how to be part of the group without saying anything smart. You can take short breaks by just standing, passively, not doing anything, and not interacting with anyone.
You can do that for minutes in a group, and no one will notice. If you find it easier to socialize in your own home, where you have more control, try inviting other people over for dinner or drinks. Watch the extroverts around you and see whether you can get any ideas for being more extroverted from what they do. Watching a super socially skilled person in their element can inspire you.
Making friends with an extrovert can be a great way to watch them in action and can make it easier for you to relax in social environments.
Trying to be more extroverted is going to cost you some energy. You can also plan time to recharge afterward. If you try to push yourself to be less introverted in all areas of your life at once, you run the risk of burning out.
Next to each item on the list, write down why being more extroverted will help and how it is going to make your life better. For example, you might write:. Because then I can make a good impression on my professors and get a good reference. How will that make my life better? You might never have considered yourself an extrovert, but there have probably been times when you were more extroverted than others.
When you want to act more extroverted at work, it can help to reframe behaving in a more extroverted way as part of your role. This is particularly useful at networking events. Read a few recent trade journals or articles so that you always have a subject to fall back on if conversation dries up. Alcohol can help you feel more outgoing and less inhibited. A top recommendation for introverts is to read Quiet by Susan Caine.
Some of the advice in this guide is based on this book. For more great reading material, we have rankings and reviews on the best books for introverts. Introversion is partly genetic, but it is also down to your environment and experiences. Studies suggest that genetics accounts for more than half of the difference in introversion within families, [ 8 ] possibly due to differences in brain responses to dopamine. Changing from highly introverted to highly extroverted is rare, but you can learn how to stop being so introverted.
Some people have introverted traits but have learned to act more like extroverts in social situations and can feel energized by these social events. Although extroversion is partly genetic, our brains and feelings change as a result of our experiences. Some introverted people become more extroverted as they become older, whilst some extroverts might move in the opposite direction. However, you can learn how to behave in a more extroverted way in social situations when it suits you.
Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. Follow on Twitter or read more. I feel like I am a failure because I am so quiet and introverted. After that one of my other friends stopped talking to me because he said I was annoying and irritating and would always be alone.
I hate my personality. You know? The world was made by extroverts, for extroverts. I would love to be more talkative in social situations where i am not surrounded by my close friends. I would be so much happier if i could thrive in in social situations where hours of small talk is needed. Thanks for sharing Daniel. There are so many people who feel just like what you describe that joined our free email course. I see you signed up today, welcome!
Notify me when someone responds to my comment. In fact, a study of over college students and adults found that, when asked, most people said they wanted to be more extroverted , conscientious, or emotionally stable.
Everything from our workplaces to our customary social spaces is structured to reward extroversion; if an introvert has a job that involves networking or public speaking, or wants to meet somebody and start a relationship, they need to push themselves outside of their comfort zones. This, says Klapow, is called "social necessity. If you're an introvert who occasionally shows extroverted traits in public, it's possible that it's happening because of this social necessity, Klapow explains. An introvert changing their behavior to be more extroverted is definitely possible, but it has to be intentional — and it's also difficult.
Introverts will also encounter differing levels of success in the endeavor, experts tell Bustle. Some introverts may adopt extrovert tendencies to get by in public, but never feel completely at home with them, while others may become more comfortable with them through habit. An introvert who practices extroversion regularly, says Klapow, may find that extroverted behaviors "begin to feel more commonplace, and are embraced and even looked fondly on.
However, this doesn't mean that introverts with these capacities are becoming more extroverted by nature. Introverts, says Martinez, can look like extroverts — "they can learn to exhibit extroverted behaviors, manage their anxiety, and environmental stimulation," she says — but that won't change their fundamental nature.
Research also indicates that it's extremely unlikely you can shift your introversion to be entirely extroverted, or vice versa. Armstrong tells Bustle that studies show personality traits are pretty stable after you turn The research on adults and college students, published in the J ournal of Research in Personality , found that largely, people weren't able to consciously change their personalities.
When they followed up with the college students six months later, they actually changed to have less of their desired personality trait than when they were first asked. Prefers to work alone. Introverts often do not enjoy working in groups. They would prefer to work things out on their own, or collaborate with just one or two people.
Strong introverts do not respond to novelty the same way extroverts do. Introverts may have a need for routine and predictability. National Institutes of Health Go to source They may spend significant time planning or reflecting before taking any action, even small ones.
Extroverts like to be around other people. They are often very active, and they generally have a variety of things going on. They just experience their alone time in a different way. The following are some common extroverted traits: Seeks out social situations. Extroverts are usually happiest when they have a strong social network. People who are extroverts often have a different way of processing dopamine, which makes them excited or pleased when they encounter new and stimulating experiences.
Feels comfortable working in groups. They may get bored easily. They may also jump into an activity or experience too quickly. Recognize that elements of extroversion are biological.
Several studies have linked dopamine function to extroversion. One study showed that people with a specific gene that enhanced dopamine were more likely to be extroverted than people without that gene. Take a personality test. If the price is too much or you don't think it's worth it, you can try a free online tests. There are numerous personality tests that were either based on the MBTI or otherwise measure introversion and extroversion. Figure out whether you are introverted or shy.
The flip side of this myth is that extroverted people are always party animals. Neither of these is always true. Shyness stems from a fear or anxiety over social interaction. Introversion stems from a lower innate need to socialize. Introverts score low on initiating socializing, but they also commonly score low on avoiding it. National Institutes of Health Go to source Research has shown that introversion and shyness have a very low correlation -- i.
Even extroverts can be shy! Shyness is a problem when you feel that it causes you anxiety or interferes with what you want to do. National Institutes of Health Go to source Support groups and self-acceptance training may help you overcome troublesome shyness.
Wellesley College offers a free version of a shyness scale used in research here. Do you want to go out with others? Do you feel afraid of being embarrassed or not knowing what to say? Do you feel more uncomfortable around members of the opposite sex?
A score of above 49 on the Wellesley scale indicates that you are very shy, a score of indicates that you are somewhat shy, and a score below 34 indicates that you are not very shy. Remember that you can be both shy and introverted. Method 2. Find your optimal anxiety. The theory behind optimal anxiety is that the presence of limited anxiety actually increases your productivity.
Because the new job is somewhat uncomfortable for them, they put in extra attentiveness and devotion to prove to themselves and their new boss that they can do the job. Finding your zone of optimal anxiety can be tricky; it involves self-monitoring to find the point at which the anxiety overwhelms the productivity. An example of stepping outside of your zone of optimal anxiety would be starting a new job without the training or qualifications required to do the job effectively.
In this case, the anxiety about not performing effectively would likely overwhelm any potential for productivity. Push yourself a little bit.
Becoming comfortable with getting outside your comfort zone will help you embrace your more extroverted traits, such as enjoying novelty. Too much extension past your comfort zone creates more anxiety than is helpful, and your performance will plummet.
Try to start small. Get comfortable with challenging yourself. One of the benefits of pushing yourself just past your comfort zone is that you will become accustomed to the optimal anxiety that creates. As you teach your brain to embrace novelty, trying new things will become less uncomfortable. The point is not to immediately feel great about trying things that may be new to you. Do something spontaneous. One trait of extroverts is that they love new experiences and adventure.
Introverts, on the other hand, like to plan and think through every detail before taking action. Push yourself to let go of strictly managing your time and plans. As with everything else, start small and familiarize yourself with small spontaneous actions.
Small actions like these will help you get more comfortable with spontaneity in safe, rewarding situations. Plan ahead for group interactions. When you know that you will be in public or leading an activity or a meeting, or when you will be in a large group of people, prepare and organize your thoughts.
This will reduce anxiety and stress. Flex your social skills. However, others may initially perceive extroversion as more positive because extroverts tend to seek out interactions with others. Challenge yourself to seek out at least one interaction in the next potential social situation you are in. National Institutes of Health Go to source Speak to one person at a party. Instead, plan to speak to one person.
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